Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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