Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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