Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
