wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
