jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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