There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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