Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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