Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
