i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They took my balls.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
