I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
