the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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