I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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