I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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