had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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