I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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