my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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