It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
