Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
