low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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