it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
