woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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