I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize