Just fell off a train. Bad.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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