Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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