I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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