In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
