too bad you live with your parents still
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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