Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
