i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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