oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize