I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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