Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
