this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
