dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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