i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
