fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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