Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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