My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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