so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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