My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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