all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
