last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
