smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
