God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
