ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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