She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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