I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
