She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
