my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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