At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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