Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
