the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
