i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
