I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
