There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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