I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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