Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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