so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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