boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
