my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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