Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
