I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
