You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
